i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
