Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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