My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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