I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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