Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
