They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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