matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
