I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
