So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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