The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm bleeding and have questions
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
