he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
