You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it because I queefed?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
