I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
