I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
