She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
