she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
