all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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