the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
