Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
