Will you blow on my dice?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
