Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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