why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
