Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
