Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
