whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
