My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
