go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
