OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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