We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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