He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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