Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
