how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
