I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
