im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
