oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
