Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
