just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
