Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
