dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
