fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
