Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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