hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
