i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
