You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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