I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
