Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
