i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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