didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
