Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
