Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
