I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
