last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
