FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
