Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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