"it" just moved
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
