Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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